What We Address:
Problematic Sexual & Intimacy Behavior (PSIB)
Sexual Acting Out
Compulsive/Excessive Pornography Watching
How We Address It:
Intensives: Customized intensives for men and women who to meet treatment needs (lengths of stay determined by clinical team).
Kick-Start Intensives: For men and women who do not meet clinical criteria for residential care but need immediate modification or unwanted/ intolerable/ endangering behaviors.
Intensive & Outpatient: Progressive "Step-Down" phases of post-Intensive Outpatient Groups consisting of two three-hour groups per week and a custom number & modality of individual sessions per week. In outpatient, women will have a customized individual outpatient program designed for them.
FOR THOSE WITH PROBLEMATIC SEXUAL BEHAVIOR (or those who suspect they might):
Figuring out if seemingly excessive sexual behavior is an addiction/compulsion or "hypersexuality" is at the height of interest right now. One seems to say, "This is a problem" and the other - by name anyway - seems to give the impression that, well, "It's just sowing wild oats." Basically, it's about semantics and, if you are reading this page, either you, or someone you know and love, are, as the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity states, "engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” It's this behavior that is so disturbing to those acting out and their loved ones: Life itself, be it individual or family, has changed to accommodate, or surround, being sexual in a way that is painful or causes pain to others.
There are several key factors that define a problem in this area:
Finding yourself doing sexually things (looking, staring, undressing someone else with your eyes, flirting, looking at online porn)
Pre-occupation or Obsession:
Looking at other attractive people constantly, even driving down the street, at the gym - fantasizing about sex or romantic involvement - even if you're married or involved. "I can't wait to get home to look at " or finding yourself losing track of time while cruising online chat rooms, adult meeting sites, porn sites.
"I have to masturbate to be able to sleep."
"What's wrong with my partner? Why won't she have sex with me everyday? Why does she say I'm oversexed? She's just frigid."
The "need" to have some form of sexual contact - be it masturbation, constant flirting or ogling (even when your partner is around), or "having' to have sex.
Tolerance & Increased use:
The same old, same old, just doesn't do it any more. "It's boring." So, in order to feel gratified, more sex, different sex, constant fantasizing, bringing in third parties, porn, internet porn, swinging, constant use of toys - without being able to be satisfied by what used to be satisfying for you.
More and more of the increasingly changing and excessive needs and behavior, more often in order to feel satiated or "happy."
Ritualistic Behavior (Habit):
Masturbating every night to sleep.
"My life is out of control." (inability to consistently stop the behavior)
Life revolves around obtaining sexual highs. Work, home-life, time with family, leisure activities are enjoyed less and less with the mind focused on the next opportunity to feel good.
Denial/Ignorance (Disregard for Consequences):
"There's nothing wrong with it. It's a natural biological imperative to be sexual... I'm married but I'm not dead!"
Hiding Behaviors from Others:
Are you comfortable sharing what you are doing with significant people in your life or would they "not understand" or, "Id be embarrassed if someone knew," or, "There'd be hell to pay, if he/she/ found out!" Or, "I'm ashamed."
If you are reading this page, you are seeking treatment because you, or someone you are concerned about, is exhibiting behavior that is so affecting their life that you've decided to seek help.
"My behavior hurts those around me, my spouse/partner, my kids, my work, my bank account."
Divorce, end of a relationship, arrest, engaging in illegal activities to obtain sex/sexual gratification/intrigue (prostitution, some online porn, etc.), sexually transmitted diseases, affairs...
Feeling sad after sexual acting out (online, with a partner, masturbating)
Feeling anxiety to the point that you need to masturbate or have sex or watch porn in order to calm yourself, even if you know you'll feel guilty, ashamed and depressed afterward.
TREATING THE CORE ISSUES (Why we behave the way we do in spite of not wanting to):
Our behaviors are based on our feelings about ourselves. Attachment (Family of Origin – FOO) issues, affect our self image and occur when we are growing up – most significantly in the 0-12 year range and then are significantly reinforced during adolescence.
To a child, any negative experience is a trauma – there are no big “T” traumas or little “t” traumas – there are only arrows. This is normal to some extent – and we manage many of them quite well. But when these traumas, or negative messages, are repeated, they become deeply entrenched beliefs about ourselves that are not true to who we really are.
We suffer, then, from the “I am unworthy” syndrome: Believing that we are less than, unlovable, not enough and defined by our many (and normal) imperfections, setting standards so high we cannot help but fail, thereby proving our point that we are worthless and needing to escape that feeling at any cost.
At CORE, we believe that these early traumas and abuses (non-nurturing occurrences in childhood) must be addressed or they will continue to drive depression, deep anxiety and shame leading us to acting out: escaping, obsessive, compulsive, and addictive behaviors that will continue for a lifetime as no amount of choice-based behavioral change, while effective in many ways, can change who we believe ourselves to be. It is those core beliefs that can either keep us from, or lead us to, our true selves.
How do we do this
EMDR, Trauma & Canine Therapies, Neural Feedback, Developmental Disruption work, Inner Child Work/Reparenting (Teaching you how to stop your escape feelings, thoughts and behaviors in a self-loving way to prevent any more traumatic damage from self-shaming and self-criticism), and Experientially-based therapies such as Sandtray, Psychodrama, Role-Play, Activities and Interactively-based therapy.
We focus on using the right brain (the activity/creativity center) and building a healthy relationship with the inner child – the part of our brains that stalled in our emotional development because of trauma – to change the repeating patterns of our behavior.
Problematic Sexual Behavior and Sex & Love Addiction Issues
Partners of those with PSB