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Becoming You is

"If I can compromise myself, I can compromise us"
- Tim F, a Core client

Relationally Problematic Issues


  • Impulsivity or Boredom

  • Being Pre-occupied or Feeling Obsessed

  • It feels Like I have No Choice...

  • I am seeing an increase in the amount, variation or frequency

  • I'm Keeping Secrets 

  • Before each time, I do the same thing/have a ritual

  • I wasn't really aware of it being as big a problem as it is

  • I denied my behaviors, even to myself!

  • I hid/hide my behaviors 

  • I've sought out help

  • I, or my behaviors hurt people I care about; Emotionally, Financially, and/or Physically

  • I've had Consequences:   Relational, Emotional & Physical Health, Work Issue, STDs, Legal, Shame, Loss of Integrity

  • I've disregarded consequences

  • I've felt depressed and/or anxious

  • I had negative experiences in my childhood (e.g. Trauma, Neglect, Abuse)

  • I feel SHAME


  • I've had Intimacy & Sexual Issues/Behaviors, such as infidelity, that are a Problem for me or my partner

  • I've watched Pornography more than I, or my partner, think is okay

  • I've shared my emotional issues, even about my marriage, with others that my partner wouldn't approve of (Inappropriately Directed Intimacy)

  • I have engaged in infidelity, once or multiple times

  • I identify, or have been diagnosed, as having; Compulsive Sexual Behavior, Love/Romance Addiction, Pornography overuse/ compulsion/ addiction, Hypersexuality, Sex Addiction, Problematic Sexual Behavior, or other Sexual/Intimacy/Betrayal/Infidelity issue

  • I am uncomfortable with, or avoid; closeness, sharing feelings,  sharing who I am (Intimacy Adversity: Intimacy Aversion /Intimacy Avoidance /Intimacy Anorexia)

  • I Fantasize about Other People or a Different Life  (sexually or otherwise)

"I have found that, if I'm worrying about outcomes, I'm usually trying to control them; if I'm doing that, I'm gaslighting somebody, if not everybody - especially myself"
  - James

Why You're Here


By this time, you might find yourself confused; If you only knew why you engage in these behaviors; "act out" - meaning act outside of your integrity -  maybe you could do something about it. And, you might have not even seen it as a problem, having compartmentalized your behavior from your family life so well that, even in your mind, the first did not diminish the latter nor did it even impact it; as illogical as that may sound now, in the face of it.


You might well have tried to stop yourself,  or even been discovered before, been forgiven and had it put down to a "mistake," not really understanding the depth of the impact on your partner and your relationship; moving on as though things were as they always had been  - all you just had to was just stop the behaviors.


Time passed and you somehow found yourself back in it, convincing yourself it was okay or beating yourself up every time but the pressure built up inside and you ended up repeating the same old behaviors you swore you would stop. Only, this time, you're conscious of them and the compartmentalization just isn't working well, leaving you feeling constant fear of being discovered again. You may even not be repeating the old behaviors but find yourself engaging in other behaviors that you hadn't considered even doing before but still keep a secret because your partner "wouldn't understand."


You probably have denied, minimized, rationalized, promised to never do it again, dissociated, or even turned it around on your partner ("I wouldn't have if you only...") or otherwise defended what you've done. But, now, you realize this isn't going away and you are going to have to do something about it.


The problem is that there are so many opinions, so much information, myriad options, that it is totally confusing. Your partner and her therapist or coach say it's this, your buddies say it's that, the talking heads online say it's some-or-other and even the "experts" argue over how to identify these sorts of issues, concerned more with being right or wrong than with helping people who are in need of solutions. At this point, you may just want it to go away and go back to what you had - without the "acting out" part. You may even be sick of hearing the language that surrounds the issue (such as "acting out").


All of this can leave you feeling judged, labelled and wanting to throw your hands up in the air. Honestly, the guilt and shame of this is kicking you and dealing with the whirlwind of emotions flying everywhere makes you defensive and wanting to just run.


Whether you feel guilt or shame about what you're doing, fear the consequences of being caught, want to help heal your partner's pain of betrayal, or simply change your life, you've turned here to find some answers and seek some help. And we can help. We don't judge, and we know that behaviors that you don't want don't just come out of nowhere. We want to help you find out more - to help you not only stop the behaviors that hurt you and your partner, and your coupleship; we want to help you find - and heal - what drives those behaviors in the first place...


Because we know, from personal and professional experience, that we don't change by simply changing our behaviors just as painting a car to make it look new doesn't repair the pinging engine and slipping transmission. It is a necessary part of the restoration, sure, but it'll just look pretty sitting in your driveway. So, we take you deeper - not simply identifying your deeper, unconscious drives but also repairing them by, essentially, taking them apart and re-aligning, re-building and strengthening your innermost, core self so that your old behaviors eventually seem foreign, even alien to you as you are aligned with and acting from your highest values and self.

"The willingness to be vulnerable is an invitation to ourselves to be the best we can be"
    - Sharon 


How You Recover

Your tagline fits right here...

Starting Out

Open Road
Inadequacy Quote

"If you find your sense of adequacy through sexual peformance, withdrawal makes you feel inadequate throughout your life"
- James

Actor Issues List

We Help You
Understand, Address & Heal:

"Remorse is healthy; regret is a resentment against your Self - otherwise known as Shame. Thus, Shame Resilience is healthy self-forgiveness... Not to be confused with self-permissiveness, which drives Shame (self-resentment) deeper; where it becomes toxic"
- James

Gaslighting PISI

"Self-forgiveness is the process of distilling
Healthy Guilt from toxic Shame"

  - James

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Shame Resilence

When we do something that is outside of our integrity, we typically do it without thought  - it is almost reflexive - because something has created a big emotion, like hurt or sadness, that we don't have the a way to cope with. So, we do something that takes us out of the feeling. If it is outside of our integrity, our honor,  however, it tends to result in us feeling ashamed. That shame is even more untenable than the feelings of sadness, anger, or hurt that made us act out-side of our integrity in the first place. And so... we do something else that is outside of our integrity - perhaps even more so. And so the cycle goes until we break it.
That describes an acting-out cycle but also describes Relational Shame - which is why Recovery must be relationally based... and our primary relationship - our inescapable one - is with our inner selves. If we are not connected internally, we will have great difficulty connecting wholly with our partner. 
When we are in relational recovery, it can feel as though we constantly are faced with the shame of what we've done
and how we might continue to hurt our partner.
As we learn a different way of being (relational recovery), that can, very naturally, drive us inward
in an attempt to find safety in disconnection.
This is called "acting in" (going into shame). 
The learned ability to stay present and connected, thus not acting in, in the moment, is called Shame Resilience. Learning it is a nuanced process. It is not ABC, 123 - and we can get you there. You are not alone with it, we see you for who you truly are and know how to get you there so that you can be present and connected with your partner - especially when things are emotionally difficult. 

"When you’re in shame you are unreachable; there is no connecting with you... Shame is a very singular experience"
  - Sharon

Chance to Change use in Home page gallery of how what why.jpg

"Every right relational decision you make changes your brain"
   - James

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Problematic Sexual & Intimacy Issues List

"Partners can smell when we don't trust ourselves so how can they trust us when we don't trust ourselves? We have to start believing in our own recovery"
- James

Trust Building

Rebuilding Trust

Starting out, the first thought you have is usually wrong - until you learn a whole new way, practice it and, with time, learn to trust yourself again.
This process runs parallel with rebuilding trust with your partner; constancy and consistency...

You have to believe the changes you are making - That takes working actively against the old thoughts, the auto-pilot, the auto-copilot, the contempt - both for self and others; in essence, your old programming. 

Trust can be rebuilt: We have the knowledge, experience, capability and we provide the therapeutic companionship to help you rebuild your trust in yourself and others' trust in you. More trustworthy and trusting than you were before - than you've ever been. More emotionally present, more vulnerable, more connected. 

"Wisdom is a feeling word, not a thinking one"
- James

Image by Gioele Fazzeri

What's at your CORE ?

If you're interested in talking with us to see how we can help you,
please send us a
or call us at 561-345-3510

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