Relationship Recovery

By this time, you might find yourself confused; If you only knew why you engage in these behaviors; "act out" - meaning act outside of your integrity -  maybe you could do something about it. And, you might have not even seen it as a problem, having compartmentalized your behavior from your family life so well that, even in your mind, the first did not diminish the latter nor did it even impact it; as illogical as that may sound now, in the face of it.

 

You might well have tried to stop yourself,  or even been discovered before, been forgiven and had it put down to a "mistake," not really understanding the depth of the impact on your partner and your relationship; moving on as though things were as they always had been  - all you just had to was just stop the behaviors.

 

Time passed and you somehow found yourself back in it, convincing yourself it was okay or beating yourself up every time but the pressure built up inside and you ended up repeating the same old behaviors you swore you would stop. Only, this time, you're conscious of them and the compartmentalization just isn't working well, leaving you feeling constant fear of being discovered again. You may even not be repeating the old behaviors but find yourself engaging in other behaviors that you hadn't considered even doing before but still keep a secret because your partner "wouldn't understand."

 

You probably have denied, minimized, rationalized, promised to never do it again, dissociated, or even turned it around on your partner ("I wouldn't have if you only...") or otherwise defended what you've done. But, now, you realize this isn't going away and you are going to have to do something about it.

 

The problem is that there are so many opinions, so much information, myriad options, that it is totally confusing. Your partner and her therapist or coach say it's this, your buddies say it's that, the talking heads online say it's some-or-other and even the "experts" argue over how to identify these sorts of issues, concerned more with being right or wrong than with helping people who are in need of solutions. At this point, you may just want it to go away and go back to what you had - without the "acting out" part. You may even be sick of hearing the language that surrounds the issue (such as "acting out").

 

All of this can leave you feeling judged, labelled and wanting to throw your hands up in the air. Honestly, the guilt and shame of this is kicking you and dealing with the whirlwind of emotions flying everywhere makes you defensive and wanting to just run.

 

Whether you feel guilt or shame about what you're doing, fear the consequences of being caught, want to help heal your partner's pain of betrayal, or simply change your life, you've turned here to find some answers and seek some help. And we can help. We don't judge, and we know that behaviors that you don't want don't just come out of nowhere. We want to help you find out more - to help you not only stop the behaviors that hurt you and your partner, and your coupleship; we want to help you find - and heal - what drives those behaviors in the first place...

 

Because we know, from personal and professional experience, that we don't change by simply changing our behaviors just as painting a car to make it look new doesn't repair the pinging engine and slipping transmission. It is a necessary part of the restoration, sure, but it'll just look pretty sitting in your driveway. So, we take you deeper - not simply identifying your deeper, unconscious drives but also repairing them by, essentially, taking them apart and re-aligning, re-building and strengthening your innermost, core self so that your old behaviors eventually seem foreign, even alien to you as you are aligned with and acting from your highest values and self.