Frequently Asked Questions
"Can Our Relationship be saved?
It will take work, though.
The truth is, after such a devastating relational rupture, both partners must get help: EDIT TO MAKE COUPLE THE PRIMARY FOCUS
Those with Problematic Intimacy & Sexual Issues need help to not only stop their acting-out behaviors but well beyond that... they need help to understand and change the drivetrain that controls their behaviors. It is not enough to simply stop and replace them with healthy behaviors - the origins of the issues must be addressed as they drive the Intimacy Avoidance that gives birth to the acting-out behaviors
Betrayed Partners need support because they have just suffered an incredibly traumatic event (discovery) and the likelihood is that, for a long time; they have been gaslighted, their perception of reality brought into question, and have long suffered, usually not obvious (nor, typically, conscious) emotional abuse that ultimately means that they not only suffer Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (that research shows is similar to that experienced by a combat soldier or first responder), but it has been additive since their partner started acting out and intimacy (connection) began to diminish. This results in Complex Post-Traumatic Disorder (C-PTSD). As a partner, you deserve support and help, especially since there was absolutely no way you could have avoided this and in no way was it your fault.
"This is a client or Staff or Referring Professional quote that is placed here to be read by visitors to this site"
- Fran M
Why Am I not Enough?
...and you always have been.
Statements from your spouse that sound like,
"If you had just...,"
"If you were only (thinner/more fun/sexually adventurous/wanted sex more...),"
"I have to get my "needs" met,"
"We just don't work that way anymore,"
"I have a much stronger sex drive than you do,"
You are enough.
For somebody in solid Relational Recovery, you are much more than "enough"